Barbra Gentry-Pugh

The Tree I Couldn’t Touch ~ Story of Grief, Grace & Gentle Healing

December 7, 2025

“Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away.” 1 Corinthians 13:8

“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18

“Time does not take away the memories we shared, and it does not make the loss easier.”

Those words have echoed in my heart every Christmas since the passing of my husband in 2009. Christmas was his favorite holiday; he was like a child excited about every detail of the tree and trimmings. He loved decorating our tree, placing each ornament with such care and joy. He loved everything about Christmas, from the giving of gifts to the expressions of love.

Over the years, we were blessed to have traveled extensively both within the country and around the world. We collected unique ornaments from almost every place we visited. My daughter travels a lot, and at times she brings an ornament from the country she visited. Our tree was never just a decoration; it was a story ~ our story. Every ornament held a memory, a smile, and a moment we cherished.

But after he passed away, the tree became something I could hardly touch. For many years, I avoided putting it up. Out of all these Christmases, I’ve only decorated a tree twice. Not because I didn’t love the Christmas decorations anymore, but because the memories felt too heavy. The tree that once brought joy became a reminder of what I no longer had. And maybe you know that feeling too, how the holiday season can magnify what is missing, who is missing, and the spaces in our hearts that still ache.

Now, before you tell me to build a bridge and get over it, allow me to remind you that the loss of a loved one and the grief never end; it simply change over time.

Grief never ends because love never ends.

Grief is the emotional expression of love for someone who is no longer physically present. Where love remains, grief remains, though it changes shape over time.

1 Corinthians 13:8 reminds us that “Love never ends.” Because love is enduring, the ache of loss is not something we “get over.”
Instead, we grow around it. Grief changes traditions. It changes the way we experience the holidays. It changes the atmosphere, even in a room filled with twinkling lights. And yet, here is where God meets us.

One quiet December morning, as I thought about the tree, I just couldn’t bring myself to unpack and decorate it. The Lord whispered a gentle truth to my heart: “The tree holds memories, but I hold you.”

In that moment, I realized something important:
While the ornaments carry pieces of my past, Christ carries my present.
While the memories hold beauty, Christ holds healing.
While grief reminds me of what was, grace reminds me of Who still is.

He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks might, He increases power. Though youths grow weary and tired, and vigorous young men stumble badly, yet those who wait for the Lord Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary. Isaiah 40:29-31 (NASB)

The Christmas tree we once decorated together represented joy, celebration, and togetherness. After loss, it represented absence and longing. But spiritually, the evergreen tree became a symbol of something deeper: everlasting life, unfading hope, and the unfailing love of Christ.

Scripture says, “The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” John 1:5
No matter how heavy the holiday season feels, the Light of Christ still shines. Not just in December, but in every season of our lives, especially in the ones that feel dim.

No, Christmas is not the same without him. And maybe Christmas is not the same for you either. But here is what I’ve learned:

~ Even when traditions change, Christ remains constant.
~ Even when the tree stays packed away, God is still faithful.
~ Even when the memories bring tears, His presence brings comfort.

HEART CHECK: Ask yourself if you are allowing yourself to feel what you feel while also allowing God to hold what you cannot carry? During this season, pause and ask yourself:

~ Where does my heart still ache?

~ What memory still burdens me?

~ What part of my story have I tucked away because it feels too heavy to touch? Invite God to sit with you in those places. He is not asking you to pretend. He is asking you to lean.

A REMEMBERING HEARTCHALLENGE: This Christmas, whether you decorate a tree or not, whether your home is filled with celebration or quiet reflection, remember this: God sees you. God is near to you. God is healing you, gently, slowly, and faithfully. And His presence is the gift no loss can take away. What memory brings both joy and ache during this season? Invite God into that place. Let Him hold you there.

A REMEMBERING HEART: I can truly say that a remembering heart does not have to be a heart stuck in the past but a heart that honors the past while allowing God to breathe healing into the present. A remembering heart holds onto the beautiful moments that shaped you, the laughter that once filled your home, and the love that still echoes in your soul. It does not deny the ache, nor does it dismiss the tears. A remembering heart holds the beautiful moments, the laughter, and the love that remains. It carries memories like precious ornaments tenderly, reverently, and with grace. A remembering heart says: “I will cherish what was.” “I acknowledge what is.” And, “I trust God with what will be.” It understands that remembering is a form of healing, not a step backward, but a way of honoring the journey. A remembering heart doesn’t try to erase the significance of the one who is gone. Instead, it invites God to weave those memories into a deeper story of comfort, courage, and renewed hope. And as you remember, God remembers you. He sees your tears. He hears your sighs. He surrounds your heart with His everlasting arms. This Christmas, let your heart remember, not to reopen old wounds but to let God gently touch them with His love.

PRAYER:    Gracious and Faithful God, thank You for Your authoritative, inerrant, and inspired Word that has graced us with the gift of memory. Thank You, Father, for the moments that shaped us, the love that strengthened us, and even the tears that taught us to lean on You. Today, we lift before You every heart that is remembering, every heart that feels both the warmth of love and the ache of loss.

Lord, hold us where it still hurts. Surround us where it still feels empty. Comfort us where memories come with both joy and sorrow. Teach our hearts that remembering is a pathway to healing, not a return to pain. Restore what grief has dimmed. Renew what sorrow has drained. And help us feel Your nearness in every memory we revisit. Thank You that You walk with us through seasons that look different from what they once were.

Thank You, Father, that You are the God who heals gently, faithfully, and deeply. May our remembering lead us not to despair but to gratitude, gratitude for love shared, lives touched, and moments that will forever be a part of us. May our remembering lead us not to despair but to gratitude, gratitude for love shared, lives touched, and moments that will forever be a part of us. And may the hope of Christ, the Light of the world, shine into the tender places of our hearts this Christmas, in the precious, powerful, and preeminent name of Jesus Christ, our Savior and Lord. Amen.