December 12, 2021

 “But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!” Galatians 5:22-23. (NLT)

 “So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.” 1 Peter 5:6 (NLT)

How Do You Keep The Soil of Your Heart Cultivated in LOVE?  

Some time ago, I had a surprisingly unpleasant encounter with a lady whom I had known for a short time.  It was unpleasant because she preceded to voice hints and generalize refusing to be specific in her conversation.  To be honest, she really caught me off guard because she has presented herself to be much different. I immediately wondered what was the real problem!

During my biblical counseling training and casework, the goal was to look for the “root cause” to begin to understand what was really going on and be guided by the Holy Spirit in the process. It was an awesomely blessed experience and I have said many times, “becoming certified as a biblical counselor changed my life.”  It also changed the way I approached many life’s challenges and ministry as well as working with and dealing with people in general.   In counseling, the presenting problem is not always “The Problem.”

Interestingly, we often tend to blame others when the circumstances of our lives are not as we wish them to be.  Many in counseling tend to blame their parents or their upbringing. However, it is no doubt that parents and our childhood environment can have a profound and lasting influence – for better or worse on our development and view/response to life.  Consequently, the Word of God strongly insists that parents are to raise their children according to godly principles and values and demonstrate them in their lives.  It is a fact, no parent is perfect, and no children are perfect, and some children reject good and godly parenting.

Do These Statements Sound Familiar?

“Everyone else is further ahead than I am because they’ve had it easier than I have.”

“It’s my parents’ fault, I am the way I am.”

“I’m not married because all guys are scum.”

“I don’t have a girlfriend because women are shallow and greedy.”

“Some people are blessed more than others.”

We live in a fallen world, and we do not have to look too hard to find someone or something to blame, especially when we are hurting. Unfortunately, for many people, blame is a favorite game when something goes wrong. Sometimes it is true that someone else so violated our lives that the fault is his/hers alone. When that happens, we have steps to take to right the wrong (Matthew 18:15–17). But if we consistently blame others for our problems instead of taking responsibility for the part we may have played, blame can become a way of life.

It is a mark of maturity when we take personal responsibility for our lives and refuse to hint/blame others for our problems. Always blaming others for our problems only keeps us enmeshed in immaturity. Sadly, we also forfeit opportunities to learn from our mistakes, develop perseverance, and work in harmony with the heartbeat of God to be transformed and produce the character of Jesus in our lives.

Here are Some Steps We Can Take to Stop Blaming Others For Everything That Goes Wrong In Our Lives:

1. Simply STOP and Acknowledge the Damage that was Done. Fully recognizing the hurt and injustice we experienced prepares our hearts to forgive, LET IT GO, and move on.
2. Accept the PRIDE that Prowls Behind the Blame Game. Prideful hearts don’t want to admit wrong. It’s easy to see where someone else is wrong, but it’s not so enjoyable to admit our own fault. When we distinguish pride, we should confess it as sin and humble ourselves before God and before the other person (1 John 1:9; 1 Peter 5:6)
3. Lower Your Condescending Expectations. We cause ourselves much grief when we carry too high expectations for ourselves and others. Often those expectations are never communicated, and the ‘root” of the problem is bitterness and impulsive blaming of others. We think, “They should have done this,” or “They should not have done that.”
4. SURRENDER Rights To God. If we made a list of our presumed rights, we would probably be surprised. As human beings we are rights-combatants. Shared on most people’s lists are the right to be treated fairly; the right to never be offended; and the right to be respected, loved, or included. The problem is that God did not give us those rights; we drafted them for ourselves. Blaming others for our problems often arises from a perceived rights violation. The fight to maintain these bogus rights keeps us in emotional chaos.
5. Turn Blame Into PRAYER. When we feel someone else has wronged us, tell God and not others about it. After we pour out our pain in prayer, we can quiet our hearts and humbly ask the Lord for direction. Rather than blaming others, we can begin praying for them.
6. REPENT of the Entitlement Attitude. Those who are blamers typically have an attitude of entitlement they are often unaware of. They believe they are owed something.
7. 

If we find ourselves blaming others a lot, it may help to make a list of personal rights we feel are being violated. Then, surrender that list to God and you give up those rights. If He thinks you need to be validated, respected, or included by others, He will see to it. James 4:10 says, “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.” Giving our rights to God is one way we humble ourselves. He then lifts us up in ways that have nothing to do with pride or fighting for our rights.

AN MATURING HEART   James 1:7. “For let, not that man think that he shall receive anything of the Lord.” (ASV). We must admit that God owes us nothing and that every good and perfect gift comes from God. If we can breathe; work, love, laugh, and experience enjoyment, we are greatly blessed. God did not owe us any of that, but, because He is a good God, He gave us many things to enjoy. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 reminds us that we are commanded to be thankful in every situation. We cannot be thankful if we feel we are entitled to more.

FATHER GOD: Thank You for being our Father and being our ONLY Source!  Please help us to take personal responsibility for our lives and refuse to blame others for our issues.  Help us to not forfeit the opportunity to learn from our mistakes and develop perseverance. Father help us to work in harmony with You to produce the character of Jesus in our lives, in the Precious, Powerful and Preeminent Name of Jesus Christ our Savior and Lord, Amen!